"My God, Don't You Ever Shut Up?"

One of my Gemini friends taught this phrase to me on the second day I knew him. He made me repeat it until I got the words and intonation just right, since he knew I'd be using it quite a bit.

I'm a quick study. The phrase has come in handy, and not just with him; in the past week alone I've used it at least ten times on various people, and thought it really hard a dozen more. I've even asked myself the question, and the answer is a decidedly smart-ass "Don't think so."

Jeez. When you're even bickering with yourself, you know something's up.

What's up is a stellium of planets in gabby Gemini, which includes a retrograde Mercury and some really annoying squares. This acute attack of verbal diarrhea isn't curing itself any time soon, not if the planets have anything to say about it.

Gemini isn't particularly argumentative on its own. Gemini isn't interested in competitive debate; it wants to talk, and arguments just get in the way of a good run-at-the-mouth gabfest. So why is everybody suddenly declaiming?

Blame Uranus in Pisces. Over the next three days, Uranus will be squared first by Venus and then by the Sun as they pass together through Gemini. Squares are irritating, and Uranus lacks diplomacy at the best of times; as I've been warning many of you for two months, people are apt to say anything.

That includes you. While I won't advise anyone to hide in the basement, I will advise a bit of caution. If you have friends, acquaintances, colleagues or lovers that you actually want to keep, it might be best to avoid any touchy subjects.

Bicker about the weather, dish some far-off celebrity, find some completely neutral subject you can argue about-- I don't know, just stay away from personal issues if you can. What starts out as a harmless poke could turn into an insult-fest of truly epic proportions. We all have it in us, and this kind of astrological weather takes the governor off the verbal inhibitions.

Here's an idea: make a secret list of people who have grievously annoyed you. Spend hours penning the most brilliantly entertaining letters of insult you can manage, one for each offender-- extra points for scope, style, wit, and subtlety. Revise, revise, revise! Once you've managed to create the perfect literary portrait of your subject in all his or her assanine glory, burn it.

No, really. Don't save it for posterity, because you'll end up putting a stamp on it later in July when Mercury finishes his square to Uranus, right about the time of the Mars/Uranus opposition. Yikes.

And meantime, remember the old adage: "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."