Attraction Factor: Mars and Venus (Part One)

Romantic attraction is a complicated thing. Sometimes it’s subtle, and sometimes it’s overwhelming. Sometimes it makes perfect sense, and sometimes it makes none at all. Sometimes it results in a beautiful pairing, and then sometimes Matt Greoning says it best:

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over,
pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Why are our experiences of love and attraction so varied? Why do different people like such different things, and can we predict attraction using the natal chart?

Astrology uses the same concept of projection that most modern psychological theories use. Let’s start with the standard hetero setup, assuming there is such a thing.

In a heterosexual woman’s natal chart, Mars indicates a large part of the masculine ideal that she carries around within her. The sign where Mars is found gives clues as to what she finds attractive in a male. For instance, a woman with her Mars in Cancer will often find something appealing about nurturing, caring men.

And now this is the important bit: it’s her Mars, and these Cancerian traits are really hers. It’s just that she tends to project them pleasurably onto males, thus becoming attracted to men who mirror back that part of herself in masculine form. She feels somehow completed by this interaction.

In a heterosexual man’s natal chart, Venus does this job. A man with his Venus placed in Aries will be drawn to impulsive, fiery women with strong wills, whereas a man with his Venus placed in Pisces will be turned on by sensitive, dreamy types, and so on.

Again, the important thing is that it’s his Venus. The fellow above with the Piscean Venus has sensitive, dreamy tendencies in him. He’s just more likely to project these satisfactorily onto a woman.

Ideally, when a couple has compatible mutual ideals about one another, projection can work to bring these psychological aspects into each individual’s sphere of awareness and utility. For instance, the woman with the Cancer Mars can get to know a portion of herself more fully through her interaction with her nurturing mate. She can see her own caring/clinginess, emotional concern/manipulation, sensitivity/overreactivity-- all the positives and negatives of her own Cancerian Mars. Eventually, she can more fully utilize the traits represented by her own Mars.

The ultimate goal is to be able to fully utilize all parts of the chart/psyche. Working these things out with a partner helps.

So what happens in those who don’t fit the standard heterosexual Mars/Venus projection system? There’s a lot more to this projection stuff, of course, but for now we’re only focusing on Venus and Mars. Let’s take a step back and review these two planets on their own.

We all know that Mars represents “maleness.” But that’s a trite, almost tautological statement in so many ways. Keywords for Mars include activity, will, drive, projective energy, aggression, assertiveness, physical confidence, impulse, temper, desire to penetrate, desire to protect, etc.. Yes, we tend to define masculinity by these standards, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are the sole property of males. Where would a woman be if she had no will or desire to protect, for instance?

Venus traditionally represents “femaleness.” Keywords for Venus include receptivity, appreciation for beauty, sensuality, taste, empathy, kindness, grace, appetite, desire for comfort, desire to enfold, desire to nurture, and so on. The tendency, again, is to ascribe these characteristics to females, but they aren’t in themselves solely biologically feminine. A man with none of these traits is conceivable, yes, but you wouldn't want to hang around him for very long.

Homosexuals project their Venus and Mars, too. Sometimes it’s the standard setup, except the projection is done onto members of the same sex. For instance, a lesbian with a Taurus Mars may find herself attracted to butch Taurean women. In this case, she is projecting her Mars (the inner “male” ideal.)

On the other hand, if she projects her Venus (the inner “female” ideal) she will likely seek a more feminine partner.

It works the same with gay men. A man who projects his Mars onto other men seeks a more traditionally masculine partner as the most appropriate mirror, and will likely take the Venus role himself.

At this point, it’s appropriate to mention that these are all generalizations of the most heinous sort. No relationship is meant to be static; without a good back-and-forth alternation of Mars-Venus roles, most relationships stagnate and die. That’s the whole point of mirrors, regardless of gender or orientation: you watch, and interact, and grow more comfortable with the unexpressed polarity within yourself. Through interaction with the other, you become more whole.

What about bisexuals? A bisexual can project in a variety of ways, too. He or she can seek either the Venus or the Mars in a partner of either sex, although certain individual patterns tend to emerge after a life history has accumulated. A bisexual can look at the pattern of his or her relationships and get a decent feel for which planet tends to be projected onto which sex.

The point is that Mars/Venus projection can take a variety of forms, and all of them have the same ideal end result: the mirroring back to us of something we need to experience. When we gaze at the incomparable being (or complete lout) that is our lover, it’s also a piece of ourselves we’re looking at.

In Part Two, we’ll get specific about Mars and Venus in the signs. So your Venus is in Aquarius, huh? We’ll talk about what that means in terms of what turns you on.